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A little background history...
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| A little background history... |
| 11.17.03 (4:09 pm) [edit] |
[i]Is there something that you're trying to say? Don't hold back now.
It's been a long time since I felt this way, so don't hold back now.
I purposely forgot about loving anyone...
Beauty let me go...
Beauty let me go...
[b]Tantric ~ Mourning[/b][/i]
Someone once said that fate is not without a sense of irony. The same day that I launch a weblog to give me an outlet for things I cannot share with those who know me and just such a thing rears it's ugly head. I had hoped to get into this aspect of my life over a series of posts, but as [i]someone else[/i] said, "life is what happens while you're busy making plans." So a quick review of my life for the past 6 months is in order...
Over the summer I worked a fairly crappy part-time job as far as part-time jobs go. I served up coffee and donuts at a shop in my hometown for minimum wage. After three weeks one of the supervisors quit, and the manager approached me to take her place. The job was hell most days.
During this time I met and fell in love with a girl who worked there. Rikki was a baker. I won't patronize you by claiming it was love at first sight; most of the other employees would have told you that we hated each other. Yet the constant bickerings and arguments were a symptom of something deeper. We began to spend time together outside of work, something made easier by the fact that we had several mutual friends. As the months passed the feelings between us deepened. When I went back to school in September I missed her. I've never missed someone who wasn't family before in my life.
My past love life has always been pretty barren. I sometimes felt that I'd be the bachelor of my group, the one who never married and only enjoyed the trappings of marriage vicariously through his friends. I'd never been able to find someone who complimented me as completely as she does. When Rikki, her two year old daughter Lexi, and I would go out somewhere I felt myself slipping into the family role quite comfortably. I began looking to the future, making plans beyond the month. I started looking at houses. The whole situation should have been perfect, if it weren't for one minor problem. Rikki has a boyfriend.
We would see each other on the weekends occasionaly, each time getting closer and taking bigger risks. We never had sex and we never kissed, those were lines we couldn't cross, but we cuddled and confessed our attractions. We had "theoretical" conversations about our friendship moving to physical levels. As I told my friend Phil, we did "things people who aren't dating don't do." All the while Rikki's boyfriend remained unaware of our growing relationship. Our friends began to take sides, some in favour, some opposed. Many told me I should move on, because "there's no way it can end well." The fact that Rikki has a two year old daughter from a previous relationship (whom I adore) worried my mother. I guess it was her dream for me to meet some girl with no past and start from scratch.
And that's where it has stood for a long time...
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