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| The clouds lift, the sun shines through, life goes on... |
| 01.18.04 (7:13 pm) [edit] |
[i]And if love is all around us,
how could this have found us?
The move you know, is don't let go of me...
There is a world,
inside the world,
that you see...
[b]Rhett Miller ~ World Inside The World[/b][/i]
Well, I feel better now that I have something to post that isn't horribly depressing. I kept wanting to post for the past two weeks but every time I thought to do it I was in a horrible mood. Complaining is such a waste of time, it's my way of dealing with things I can't change, and now that I've come to that realization I've decided I want to cut complaint out of my life completely. When it comes right down to it, I've discovered that I don't have anything that's worth complaining about when I set my own sufferings against those who truly suffer.
So now that I've put things into perspective, I feel a lot better. Things with Rikki are just as confusing as ever, but everything is in her hands. I've put my attention into getting her back into school. I contacted her old high school for a copy of her transcript and the Adult Education department in our hometown to find out how to get her into some classes. She deserves the education she missed out on the first time through, she is so smart and right now I see her needing to flex those smarts, and she never gets the opportunity.
On a lighter note, I recently started watching the show [i]Joan of Arcadia[/i]. I'm not a TV person, and I only watched the Pilot because my English teacher at the Faculty of Education said it was a good show. Now I'm eating them up, watching episodes as fast as I can download them off the net. I love the arguments she has with God and trying to piece together why he wants her to do the crazy things he asks her to do.
Last but not least, I managed to plow through all the mess in my life and get 95% organized. I have a few papers to go through, but overall my life is much more manageable and seems less overwhelming now that I've tossed so much clutter.
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| Things you will never read... |
| 01.02.04 (12:16 am) [edit] |
[i]I try not to think about what might have been,
'cause that was then, and we have taken different roads.
We can't go back again, there's no use giving in,
and there's no way to know,
what might have been...
[b]Little Texas ~ What Might Have Been[/b][/i]
Today was my first day without you Rikki. If this is day one, I don't know how I can endure day two. When they said you don't know what you've got 'till it's gone, they were right. I never knew there were so many things to miss about you, but every single thing that happened today only underscored the fact that you were gone.
There are so many things I should have said, so many things I should have told you. Would they have made a difference? I somehow doubt it. I wish it was me that got to wake up each morning beside you. I wish it was me who got to brush the hair away from your face make you laugh. I wish that for all the times I thought about kissing you, just once I had done it.
I know you will never be able to read this, but I'm sorry I made you cry. I'm sorry I can't respond to your email and tell you I'm alright. If I try to talk to you I'll just hurt you more. You've made your choice, and now it's time for me to deal with it. Please understand.
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